Hannah Banana's blog

I'm Back!

2011-05-28T20:48:00.003+01:00

Excuse the delay but, for the last three months, I have been:

Moving into a flat that had no working boiler for a full week (in February)...
...but that has a fireplace and wooden floorboards. Swings and roundabouts really.

Settling into a new job. Which is a pretty amazing one. It involves hospitals, helping people and that.

Becoming a manager. I feel all grown-up.

Buying lots of clothes for my new big girl role. I wear heels in the office now. Nude heels a la Kate Middleton. Also attempting to get my hair to swish like hers.

Getting to know my way round London and going to see shows, looking round museums and generally trying to look like I know where I'm going (by walking quickly).

Attempting to flirt with boys. There are so many more of them here.

Trying to believe that I have actually done it: I have changed my life for the better.

SUCCESS!

Here I go again on my own

2011-02-15T10:35:00.002Z

I'm really not sure where the past few months have gone. It seems like only a short while ago I was wondering how on earth I was going to change my life and now I am a week away from moving and two weeks away from starting a new job.

Everything is packed, the furniture has gone, the white van is booked and my handover notes are written. All that remains to be done is get really drunk with a lot of people and open all the presents they had better get me.

Oh, and see the boy just one last time....

All Change

2010-12-08T09:11:00.003Z

I have a new job. And they gave it to me after only THREE interviews! It's what I want to do, it pays really well and is in a brilliant location in London. Sorted.

So 2011 will mean BIG changes- I can't wait!

In other news the guy from Halloween got one of his friends to contact me because he was too shy....needless to say I didn't follow that up. I was surprised he didn't get his mum to call me for him. But on the other hand I have been having a delicious flirtation with a very young man- and if there's one thing that will make you forget you are 31, it's a 20 year old boy.

Ha!

Writing Covering Letters Sucks

2010-11-02T09:04:00.003Z

Is it wrong that the highlight of the past few weeks was being pressed up against a very attractive male student on an overcrowded bus this morning?

I had forgotten how soul destroying looking for a new job is. Particularly the recruitment agents who tell you things like "People like you are hard to find" but after you tell them the salary you are after, you never hear from them again. I am sick of talking to them already....their falseness grates. And why are they all called Nathan?

The good news is that I am being sent a lot of jobs to look at. Most are ones I would be happy to do. I just, obviously, need to be offered one of them. The continuous daydreams of handing in my notice keep me going.

As for my love life....well, the bus ride to work this morning was almost it. I did go to a Halloween party at the weekend where I was dared to go and talk to a nice looking blonde man dressed as Dracula. As talking to random (and hopefully good-looking) men is a new hobby of mine, I did. 15 minutes later my eyes started to glaze over as he went on about his mum and playing rugby at Uni (I worked out he was 27....who goes on about Uni at that age? Someone who hasn't done anything with their lives since, that's who). When he went to the loo, I made my escape. Yesterday however, I received a message saying that he wants my phone number. And now because I have tried to politely point out that someone who still lives with his mum (just a hunch) isn't really my cup of tea, I have caused some friction. Ho hum.

But the very, very good news is that in 2 weeks I get to turn 31! And to celebrate I will be meeting up with a boy I have a crush on but who has an extremely good-looking girlfriend. So really, the next year ends as it began....bugger.

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaah

2010-09-07T11:18:00.003+01:00

I spent a week in the sun last week and unfortunately it gave me far too much time to reflect on things. These are the conclusions I have come to:

1) I need a new job. 4 years in the same one is too much.
2) I have never stayed in one town this long- it just won't do.
3) In order to get this new job it is likely I will have to move to London.
4) Covering letters are very tedious.
5) I will stop torturing myself about how men have treated me. I am still totally confused by what happened with "Guy from Wedding". And as for the Sod...I suggested we meet while I was in town today and he never even replied. Which is just rude and cowardly. But also a pretty good indication of why I should never go near him again (number deleted AGAIN. For goodness sake).
6) If I have to listen to one more person talk about having a baby, I will cut my own ears off.

So, a few things to be getting on with: a new job and not letting men treat me like sh*t. Simples.

Someone Stop Me

2010-08-11T09:35:00.005+01:00

I seem to have gone slightly mad. I don't really know what is wrong with me at the moment but I keep doing things without really thinking them through, like applying for random jobs that would mean moving far away or....texting the Sod.

I know, I know. It's just that he has been on my mind again since he texted me in May and out of sheer curiosity I just thought sod it, let's see what happens. I suggested a coffee or something (I know from his mum that he is still seeing the same girl I saw him with last year so I thought coffee was more appropriate than, say, sex)- he has replied but in a quite a "Yeah, cool, let me know when you are in London" kind of a way. And no kiss at the end of the text (unlike mine). So now I'm not sure if I can even be bothered!

What on earth am I going to do next? I dread to think.

End

2010-08-06T14:42:00.003+01:00

So my brief foray into the dating world is already over.

Despite having a lovely time with said boy, his lack of contact got too much. Nearly 3 months in and he still hadn't been to visit me, perfectly content as he was to let me make all the effort. I finally confronted him today and was told the distance was too much, blah, blah, blah and could we still be friends. Er, no thanks!

So, back to the drawing board. Another wedding in 2 weeks time and I have made the bride promise to put me next to a single man. One of the groom's fit climbing friends hopefully.

There have got to still be some nice boys out there....right??

New Boy

2010-07-19T10:37:00.002+01:00

So I seem to be kind of seeing the boy I met at my brother's wedding. It is surprisingly unsurprising to be around a man again.

However, while he is lovely and we get on really well, I am a bit annnoyed about his occasional lack of contact. He is one of those social butterfly types...I asked when he had a weekend free and was told it wouldn't be until at least the end of August. I saw him the night I went to the States for 2 weeks last month: not only did I not hear from him while I was away but it took him another week after my return to say hello. That's not normal, right?

I have probably just picked yet another boy who is petrified of commitment; it wouldn't be the first time. Ho hum, I guess for now I will just go along with it and see what happens.

One thing is for sure though: if he messes me about, my brother will kick his ass.

Already a football widow

2010-06-11T11:01:00.004+01:00

2 weeks ago, my little brother got married. I braced myself for feeling like the elderly spinster sister on the day, but it just didn't matter in the end. It was the most wonderful day ever. The only time I felt a bit lonely was during that initial "all couples join the bride and groom on the dancefloor" bit...but we were abroad, it was hot and there was lots to drink so I quickly got over it.

I did actually meet someone at the wedding- one of my brother's old University housemates. This only happened as I switched the place settings at my table: in my view, my 17 year old sister did not need to sit next to one of the only single men.

We went on a date on Tuesday and it all went very well. However, there is this thing called the World Cup starting today and the fact that I will soon be heading to the States for a few weeks... it is incredibly annoying: I finally meet someone, someone who has met my entire family (and they all love him), and bloody football is getting in the way.

I also got a text from the Sod a few weeks ago complaining that I have blocked him on Facebook. Well, duh! Still, nice to have "the power" back...it only took 4 years.

So now it's back to pretending I am interested in football: did you know that the most common World Cup player's surname in Gonzalez? I know, I am learning so much!

I'll call you (or not)

2010-03-15T10:10:00.003Z

Before I completely gave up on Internet dating, I actually managed to go on two dates:

Date 1: Complete idiot. A teacher who had never heard of Pride & Prejudice. I felt like suing under the trade descriptions act: "well travelled"= has been on a lot of stag dos. "Pretty sexy"= spends every free minute in the gym to try and make up for having no personality.

Date 2: Lied about his height. Arrived listening to his ipod. Awkward moment while he took his earphones out (finally). Quite shallow.

So not hugely successful really. Tomorrow I am off to Vienna to hang around cafes for 4 days. In other good news I ran a half marathon last weekend in under 2 hours for the first time EVER.

This was in fact a better event than either of the dates.

It is HOPELESS

2010-02-11T12:35:00.004Z

Some advice for men on dating websites:

DON'T upload a picture of yourself with 2 friends who are far more attractive than you
DON'T mention any of the following in your first email: "I am leaving the country in a few months"/"I have just been dumped"/"There was also this other girl that I was seeing at the same time"
DO be honest about your height. I am not stupid
DO use spell check
DON'T post a picture taken by yourself on your mobile in front of a mirror
DO be upfront and put a picture up straight away rather than ask me out and then, after much persuasion, finally send a picture. I am not shallow but I do have some standards
DON'T send me a first email with the sole content being "Hi, how u doin?" as you can be pretty sure you won't get a reply

And finally...if you are in a band and the ladies love you SO much, feel free to pass me by!

Just a few things I have noticed during my brief forary back into Internet Dating. I am now ready to give up for good.

Bring on the next decade

2010-01-04T15:45:00.005Z

Since my 30th birthday in November, I have been trying to pick out a watch as a present from my grandparents. 6 weeks of hunting and nothing. Then on the day I got back from my Christmas holiday, I finally spotted it. I just knew straight away that it was "The One" (the fact that it was half price in the sale helped). If only finding a man was that easy (maybe from now on my watch is The One. It's a really nice watch)...I made a slightly unwise choice at a Christmas party (though that's almost obligatory, isn't it?) and while it was nice to be back in the land of kissing young men, ones that are attached to other people are never going to really work out. Oops.

So...2010. 2009 wasn't a bad year: running a marathon, quite a bit of travelling, finally getting over the Sod and getting to December a stone a half lighter (On New Year's Eve we all had to say our highlight of the last 10 years...one couple said "getting a mortgage". I felt so smug: mine was moving to New Zealand). My only resolutions are to walk home from work more often (it's pretty much all downhill so there is no excuse) and to force myself to go on more dates...A watch might look pretty but conversation is limited.

Could the man shortage be over?

2009-11-13T13:33:00.002Z

D-day -4 and all is well.

I had a little wobble earlier this week when I couldn't do a step in tap class and I told the tutor that "I will be probably be able to do it when I'm in my thirties" (hope springs eternal and all that). "Thirties".....urgh.

Then I remembered that I have a lot to be thankful for: good job (most of the time), nice flat, no cat yet and plenty of life experience. And thanks to the recent purchase of a personal trainer, I am in pretty good shape.

Things got even better last night at a black-tie event when I got chatted up by a very nice man who insisted on taking my number. Maybe this turning 30 malarky ain't so bad after all.

The Big 3.0.

2009-10-16T09:30:00.003+01:00

So, the joys of summer (or our excuse for one) are over and now all I have to "look forward" to is turning 30 next month.

I have no idea how this great age crept up on me. I am already starting to sound like some elderly lady, tweeting to anyone who will listen that "I still feel 21 inside" and that "age is just a number".

I guess what is hard about turning 30 is that my life is not quite where I expected it to be right now. I still feel that I am just pottering along with no real direction. I have a good job that I enjoy but will have to move on soon if I don't want to be here forever, I don't own a house, a car or even have more than 5 tv channels. I have been single for what feels like forever and spend aproximately a third of my wages on wedding travel, outfits and gifts, anniversary and engagement cards as well as baby gifts for other people.

Seeing as I have not yet got to any of these milsetones (not even close), I am starting to feel a bit indignant about the lack of fuss made about my birthday. You would think that some of those girls in Northern Ireland (where I went to Uni) whose big days I have made an effort to get to might have thought to do the same for me....but no, married life seems to prevent them doing anything that doesn't involve their husbands.

I am thinking of doing a Carrie Bradshaw and having a "I'm not getting married" party. Though maybe I should hang on for 40 before I go to such extremes...

The Great Escape

2009-09-02T09:11:00.004+01:00

Just when I think that I will go insane from lack of sun, there is some light on the horizon. Mainly in the form of a trip to San Francisco next week (that I can't really afford). It seems turning 30 soon has made me feel that I simply MUST see most of the world before the 17 November, as surely life as I know it will end on that day. I have also pencilled in another few days in Vegas, as I didn't lose enough money on the slot machines last time.

So, my intinerary includes Alcatraz, whale watching, Yosemite and Napa Valley. As I stare out my office window at the incessant grey clouds and listen to my colleagues talk about the Big Brother final, never has an escape plan been so needed. Though of course the main plan still remains to meet a rich American while I'm there and never come back.

Watch this space.

Odd or fussy?

2009-08-14T12:00:00.002+01:00

Email from non-gay male friend yesterday who I have actually never met before:

"I don't get it, You're quite hot, funny and you're loaded, yet you can't find yourself a man? I definitely stick by my previous judgement- you're just fussy. Really fussy. Or you're really odd and it doesn't show through electronically? Maybe you smell of cat food? I dont know."

I don't know either Mr B...I promise I don't eat cat food.

PS I am only loaded compared to him.

Meeting the "stars"

2009-07-02T09:22:00.001+01:00

Having an in-depth chat with Marie Osmond in Vegas. As you do.

I hope it's like the movies...

2009-06-16T16:42:00.002+01:00

I have done my research by watching The Hangover on Saturday night.

I have no dollars yet but some tickets to see Penn & Teller, Bette Midler (how deliciously camp) and the obligatory helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon. Another thing to tick off the "To do before I'm 30" list.

I fly out on Thursday...I really hope that one of the following happens:

A rich man takes a liking to me and lets me use his money to gamble.
I get married to someone random in the Little White Chapel.
I get offered a job in the US and never have to come back.

Here's hoping!

Vegas baby

2009-06-11T08:46:00.002+01:00

Mum of baby at Christening last weekend:

" Oh you are so brave being here by yourself. Do you know you are the only person here alone?"

One of the many responses I thought of about 3 hours later:

" Well thanks for that and enjoy your sleepless nights and baby sick. I am off to Vegas next week for as much debauchery as I can fit in. Bye!"

He wasn't man enough for me

2009-05-22T12:09:00.002+01:00

They looked like a pair of accountants together...ha ha HA!

Cue a lot of evil cackling/feeling pretty damn good about myself.

He didn't even have the courage to talk to me (having been the one who did the dumping and being there with someone else, I felt it was up to him)....what did I ever see in someone like that?!

AND he was wearing a pink tie.....unforgiveable.

Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more

2009-05-15T14:12:00.004+01:00

Just when you think that you are finally at the point where he is no longer in your thoughts morning, noon and night and that other boys become more noticeable, you find out you have a job that involves spending an evening at an event where the boy who broke your heart, stamped on it a lot then handed it back to you, will also be.

Can I find a new job by Tuesday?

Update: it appears his girlfriend will also be there. Wonderful.

Success!

2009-05-05T16:36:00.001+01:00

I did it!

I ran the WHOLE way.

It was a very warm day.

It took me 5h30mins.

I still have a very bruised big toenail from the experience.

M- Day

2009-04-01T09:27:00.002+01:00

This is it!

4 and a half months of training, 523 miles, a lot of Deep Heat, many aches and pains, a lot of hot baths, much moaning, 3 sports massages, a bit of crying and "I can't do this"...all leading up to Sunday.

I CAN'T WAIT!

Music

2009-03-05T12:13:00.002Z

It is now only 4 weeks and 2 days until THE MARATHON.

Apart from the fact that my left knee is swollen to the size of a small melon, my main concern is working on a play list to keep me going through those 26.2 miles. So please do let me know if you have any suggestions for music that will make me want to keep going- I need about 5 hours worth (though that may be wishful thinking) and can't just put Eye of the Tiger on repeat.

I ran 21 miles the other day. I am quite proud of that fact. Could explain the knee though.

Card

2009-02-13T21:50:00.003Z

Well this is an interesting turn of events.

Coming back from a meeting this afternoon, I noticed great excitement in my office. It would seem that a red envelope bearing my name had been delivered in the late post.

My first thought was that the girls had taken pity on me and bought me a card for tomorrow, to cheer me up. But no, it was actually a real, proper Valentine's card. Apparently, I am delicious. I always secretly hoped I might be.

In typical Valentine's style, it is signed with a "?". I actually don't have a clue who it is from. My only clues are:
It is someone at work. I work at a University with 13,000 students and £2,500 staff so that doesn't really narrow it down....but the card definitely came from the shop at work (tut tut, not much thought put into it, obviously).
It is from someone who doesn't really know me or they would know that the way to my heart is not through the use of "ur" is a card. Text speak just doesn't cut it. So probably someone younger than me. Isn't it always?

So while not quite the romantic card I would have liked, I am nonetheless very flattered and hope to never find out who it is from for fear of my secret admirer being a spotty, loner student who has been watching my office with binoculars for the last few weeks.

But I obviously still really hate Valentine's Day.

Snow Days

2009-02-09T12:07:00.003Z

Well what an odd week is has been. Today is my first day back in the office since last Wednesday. And apparently it is going to snow again tonight so I'm making sure I water the plants on my desk in case we are unable to/ don't want to trudge through the snow and ice again tomorrow.
I thought Snow Days would be very exciting but when you don't have a garden or children, it's actually very boring. The most exciting thing I did was buy a pair of wellingtons.
So I spent my time wisely, and booked a holiday. Las Vegas to be more precise. I intend to come back married to a gay show dancer.

But for now I will just be avoiding VD on Saturday like the plague.

It's January again

2009-01-09T09:32:00.002Z

It's 2009. It's January. It's bloody freezing.

So, let's take stock at the beginning of yet another year:

My love life is still crap and even my aunt in America is trying to set me up with her work colleagues who are visiting the UK. The one I have just been talking to on Facebook is of the chubby, necklace wearing (not in a good way), no sense of humour variety. And now I have to go to dinner with him. Thanks Auntie J!

Christmas was the loneliest ever. While my sisters were out clubbing with their French friends, I got to sit at home watching "Midsomer Murders". But, thanks to the Euro/£ situation, it looks like my parents might not be able to survive much longer in France anyway and so will probably have to sell the only house I have ever lived in for any decent amount of time. Happy days!

While I may be able to run 15 miles without too much difficulty, I am more than a little fed up with forcing myself to go outside in icy conditions, scared of breaking an ankle at any moment. Also, running through the pools of vomit left on the streets on Sunday mornings is really no fun at all.

All my friends are away with their husbands: skiing, the Gambia...I hate them all.

But it's not all doom and gloom...at least I have been ill for 2 of the last 3 weeks and have missed all but 2 days of the first week back at work. I am now an expert on "Homes under the Hammer".

At least 2009 can only get better...can't it?

Training progress

2008-12-01T16:45:00.004Z

So far, so good.

Or should I say: so far, no injuries.

Yesterday I received my "Build Africa" t-shirt. I have been sponsoring a community in Kenya through this charity for over two years, as well as buying the odd goat off them when I really don't know what to get someone for their birthday. An 11 year old girl called Claire writes to me every 6 months to tell me how my money is helping, bless her. The thought of all those toilets they can build with the money I raise will spur me on.

The training is not too punishing yet- about 20 miles a week. I am more worried about the 19 mile runs after Christmas. Who can I find to volunteer to stand by a road in the cold and pass me bottles of Lucozade? I am incorporating Yoga and cycling into my routine. Why am I not twig-like yet?? All this exercise means I get to eat more but not lose any weight and gain even more muscle. Yay!

The whole thing is costing me a fortune too: hotel for 2 nights in the centre of Paris, flights, new pedometer, another new pedometer because the last one fell off...oh, and if you want to run at any event in France, you have to have a medical certificate from your doctor. Mine didn't even bother to examine me and charged me £20 for it.

This better be worth it.

Birthday madness

2008-11-17T09:35:00.001Z

There, it's done. I have signed up for the Paris Marathon in April.

Gulp.

29

2008-11-14T14:05:00.002Z

29.
29.

29.

No, I just can't get used to it.

On Monday I will be 29. How did this happen? When I was a teenager, 29 seemed ancient. And now it's me- a 29 year old.

I have given up thinking I will be married or anything like that before I turn 30. Instead, the goal I am setting myself is of running a marathon before 17 November 2009. Running over 26 miles seems like something I could actually do, unlike meeting a nice man.

I dread to think how I will cope with 30.

Good times

2008-10-13T11:35:00.002+01:00

Is it really almost a month ago that I was standing next to a church in the middle of France, wearing the trashiest New Look shoes I could find?

Ah, 4 blissful days of loads of food, sunbathing, drinking and hearing rather a lot of talk about medical matters (I was in the medics house...me and 17 doctors. How did the NHS cope?).

And now it's back to:

Dark mornings

Another birthday looming

Credit crunch

Christmas looming

Another Half Marathon on Sunday

Still being boyfriendless

Still, it could be worse...I could work for a charity at a time no one wants to give. Oh hang on, I do...

Love is in the air (though not for me)

2008-09-12T09:31:00.002+01:00

Next week, I fly out to the South of France to spend 4 days celebrating the wedding of two lovely people. I have a feeling part of the reason I have been invited is because I am the only one who speaks French (I have actually only know them for 18 months): it has been a difficult week trying to order their flowers from the local florist. I was met with many a "non": no, they don't have blue flowers. No, if the the bride wants lavender on the Church floor, she will have to bring it from the UK etc.

Never mind, I'm sure orange flowers will be lovely. Argh, the responsibility of it all!

Before that, I have to run my second Half Marathon on Sunday. Last time, it was a cracked rib and shin splints. This time it is toothache (bloody wisdom teeth taking 20 years to come through) and a pulled muscle. If anyone is in Bristol on Sunday, please feel free to come and shout at me to keep me going. I will be the one wearing bright pink sweatbands and a look of agony.

Tom

2008-09-01T10:31:00.002+01:00

Meet the new man in my life. Tom the Kitten.

Like most men, he eats a lot, whinges, expects cuddles all the time, wanders off a lot and can generally be a pain in the ass.

We found him in a ditch, thrown away by some horrible French person because he had a broken leg. I don't think I have ever seen anything as heartbreaking as this tiny kitten struggling to get around our kitchen on 3 legs, looking for his mum.

Sadly, I had to leave him in France, with a bandage on his leg that is almost bigger than him. I am generally more of a dog person but I actually really miss him.

And then I remember that I don't want to become a lady with cats just yet.

Distracted by Olympic swimmers

2008-08-11T10:16:00.004+01:00

I have become slightly too involved with watching the Olympics. At 8am this morning, I had my coat on, front door key in hand, but couldn't quite tear myself away from the diving (I just couldn't miss the UK coming last) and missed my bus. I am now watching it online at work...and I don't even like canoeing.
There just doesn't seem to be much else to do at the moment. The weather is crap. Most people are on holiday (those smug bastards who didn't go in June). I have no money thanks to other people's happily ever afters. I have another Half Marathon to run in one month and am hoping to feel a bit more inspired.
I went to a wedding on Wednesday (apparently it's normal to get married on a weekday in Northern Ireland) and it was all lovely and romantic and everyone went on for ages about how amazing the bride and groom are (they even opened the floor so people could gush even more) and I just felt old and lonely. I am so sick of being single and watching my friends walk down the aisle. I nearly punched the 5th elderly relative who asked me when I was getting married.

Oooh, it's time for the Tennis!

Pouring rain and young men

2008-07-31T13:11:00.002+01:00

It rained every day. I had to spell out where I was from. I had between three and four hours of sleep every night. I drank a lot of $2 margaritas (mainly bought for me by my boss). I ate a lot of chocolate cream pie. I shopped in Gap and loved the prices. I discovered Hershey Caramel Kisses. I watched 3 very bad films on the plane. I bought a t-shirt in nearly every restaurant I ate in. I met a younger man (yep, another one) who lives 10 minutes from me in the UK. The youngster and I had a brilliant time winding up Americans. I found out he has a girlfriend from my boss. I discovered that a vodka and red bull tastes like Calpol in the US. I am still eating salt water taffy 6 days later.

And how I wish I was still there...

Y'all have a nice day now!

2008-07-16T09:14:00.004+01:00

I think a man on the bus home last night was trying to flirt with me. At first I thought he was offering me his seat because he thought I might be pregnant (it's the way my jacket hangs, honest). Unfortunately he was the type of man that makes me shudder. He even followed me off the bus and I had to pretend I was going the other way and take a massive detour home. He works three floors below me...argh!

Anyway, on a brighter note I am off to the US on Saturday for a week. It is for "work" but this includes barbecues and karaoke. There will be almost 200 Americans and 9 of us Brits.

Good thing I like to stand out.

Lists

2008-07-07T11:09:00.002+01:00

The website I probably spend most of my time on at the moment is Debenhams. More specifically the wedding list part. Mmm, decisions, decisions. Should I go for the Nigella Lawson Cake Stand or a Natural Wood Oval Tray? Or I could just get them a couple of pillows for £17.

A good chunk of my wages has recently been spent on:
Tickets to go to London next weekend for a hen night
Present for hen
Flights to Belfast and South of France
Wedding gifts (useless ones, obviously)
New outfit

And that is all before I have even got to any of these events and will need to fork out for dinner, clubbing, taxis blah blah blah. All I can say is that I better bloody get married one day so that people have to spend all their hard earned cash on ME.

The girl I run with told me yesterday how her divorce papers have come through (she is only 30, bless her) and I suggested she start a "Divorce List"...I would be quite happy to shell out £20 on a cake stand to celebrate her not being married to a knob anymore.

Espana

2008-07-01T11:00:00.005+01:00

Best bit: Watching Spain win Euro 2008 on a big screen surrounded by drunk Spaniards cheering and going absolutely mad.

Worst bit: burning my forehead so badly I had to wear a hat most of the week.

Am already planning my next trip there!

Sun, sea and football

2008-06-23T10:42:00.003+01:00

This is the forecast for my holiday. It will range from between 28˚C to 32˚C. And everyone will be very happy because Spain are through to the semi finals of Euro 2008.

I predict a VERY fun week.

Luck

2008-06-16T09:42:00.002+01:00

I think I may have lost the ability to flirt. Or at the very least to know when someone is flirting with me.

I went to a work event on Thursday night where I spotted a very attractive young man whom I had spoken to at a previous event in February. In fact, our entire team spotted him, gorgeous as he is. He had seemed quite shy when I first met him and I suddenly developed verbal diarrhoea in face of his attractiveness: I made a quick exit. However, this time he made a beeline for me and was very friendly, hanging on until everyone else had gone. I have even managed to find a work related matter to contact him about and so emailed him on Friday afternoon....so far, nothing. Of course, he could perhaps have a girlfriend/be gay/just not have really been flirting with me. Life is just not fair.

I have a friend who fell for a guy who is getting married at the weekend. They carried on for over 4 months and only broke it off about 2 weeks ago. She swore she would be single for a long, long time after that. Yet she has already met someone else.

Am I just unlucky?

How to spend a wet weekend

2008-05-27T10:58:00.002+01:00

Another Bank Holiday....we managed to make use of the 6 hours of sunshine on Saturday to have the "picnic by a National Trust House, avoiding cow pats, deer and having a 2 year old fascinated by gravel with us" experience.

The rest of it was spent running along canals in the rain, becoming completely addicted to Peep Show and eating my body weight in Marshmallows.

I have also joined a running club. This involves nearly breaking both legs sliding down muddy hills, being last back up them and trying to talk to fit blokes while retaining some sort of dignity as sweat pours down my face. Still, it's good fun. And it means I can eat even more marshmallows.

Plans

2008-05-19T08:57:00.003+01:00

Argh, Monday morning. Have barely walked in the door and a colleague is already boring me with the story of his daughter's credit card being used by someone in Hong Kong....think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.

Days till holiday in Spain: 34
Days till best friend's wedding in Belfast: 78
Days till home: 90
Days till wedding in South of France (lots of doctors attending- yay!): 121
Also the possibility to going to the US for work in July....all in all, not a bad summer.

Speed Running

2008-05-06T09:14:00.001+01:00

Being the committed athlete that I am, part of my Bank Holiday was spent running (and not just lying on the sofa watching the entire first series of Gavin & Stacey to see what all the fuss is about).

In what felt like conditions similar to those in the Sahara, a friend and I did the Bristol 10k yesterday. It wasn’t sunny (it is May after all) and we were pretty confident that, as we run 5 miles before work a couple of times a week, we would be ok. I think I might even have complained about the distance being too short and not enough of a challenge as we lined up to start. Fool that I am. About 2k later I realised that I have only done 4 runs in the last 2 months due to injury and that it was so muggy I couldn’t actually breathe. And there was only one water station. I think I might have lost my body weight in sweat. I somehow made it round in 57:56 but it left me slightly worried about the Bristol Half Marathon I have signed up for.

The most amusing part of the day, apart from the mass warm up (why can men not do simple aerobic exercise with any rhythm?), was the organiser’s suggestion of “speed running”…basically speed dating while you run. I didn’t see anyone own up to being single (as if I would!) and don’t fully understand how they expected this scheme to work: if I can barely breathe in order to keep moving, I’m hardly likely to manage to hold a decent conversation.

And I’m not sure that the “sweat pouring down the back on my neck mixed with being drenched from the water I just threw all over myself” is the look I want to go for when meeting the man of my dreams.

Bank Holiday

2008-04-30T14:12:00.000+01:00

What do you do on a (looking like it's going to be very wet) Bank Holiday?

Waiting

2008-04-21T12:14:00.003+01:00

Arriving at the pub on Friday night, I got the distinct feeling I had been set up. It was one of those "I have one single male friend and we are meeting up tonight so I have made sure Hannah comes along too as they are both single and will surely fall in love" situations.

He was nice enough- had just run the Paris marathon so we had that in common (a half marathon is almost a marathon. About half in fact). But....hum. He had a really big nose. And was a little skinny. I feel like I might be turning into Chandler in Friends and rejecting anyone based on some insignificant minor physical flaw.

I just can't seem to meet anyone who I have that chemistry with. I can't be bothered with people I would have to work hard to be interested in. Is that wrong? I know girls who will go out with anyone, just so they can say they have a boyfriend.

I think I would rather wait.

And wait. And wait.

Lucky Day

2008-04-06T17:23:00.004+01:00

Thank you to that nice horse Comply or Die for providing me with £110 yesterday. I feel an addiction to gambling coming on...

Sadly, it will all have to go towards paying for physio for the shin splints I now have.

Bugger.

The Stalker

2008-03-31T10:12:00.004+01:00

In retrospect, this conversation that I had by a cashpoint with Harry Harper from Casualty on Friday night was a tad embarrassing:

HH (noticing my hair blowing everywhere): "It's a bit windy isn't it?"
Me: "Yes...you know, I saw you on a train recently and I was trying to get a picture of you to send to Heat magazine" (and you wonder why I'm still single with an opener like that).
HH: "Oh really? It was obviously destiny that we should meet. So, do you live around here then?"
Me: "Yes, just along there (waving vaguely). So what are you in town for?"
HH: "I'm in a play at the Royal Theatre, just popped out to get some cash to pay for tonight's dinner".
Me: "Oh! You were also on Songs of Praise at Easter, weren't you?" (I can't believe I said that).
HH: "Yes, that's right".
Me: (After having used the cashpoint)"Lovely to meet you, I'm sure I'll bump into you again".
HH: (In a very sexy voice) "Yes, and perhaps we can be introduced properly then..."

Bear in mind all this happened before I had consumed any drink. Needless to say it had the others in fits when I got to the pub. Particularly the Songs of Praise bit (look, it just happened to be on ok?).

I think I came across as slighlty stalkerish, especially as I then went to see his play the next day.

Still, let's face it: it's the longest conversation I have had with a man in ages.

Sadness

2008-03-28T08:42:00.002Z

Is it a bad sign that tomorrow night's date is driving me mad before I have even met him?

Is it normal to have had 4 texts, a phone call and a lengthy email in one day off someone whose surname you don't know yet?

Is it appropriate for him to have mentioned his ex (they owned a house together, only broke up 4 months ago) already(he's so on the rebound)?

After last time, I always said I would only ever go for a drink on the first date as dinner can be a bit long if you know the chemistry isn't there. So why have I been pushed into dinner too?

I cannot stand needy or clingy guys. I am starting to dislike him already. This really isn't starting off too well.

I don't want to do this anymore. I had someone I loved. There was obviously the small matter of him not loving me anymore and being a prat occasionally but at least he wasn't a nutter.

I don't want to do this anymore! I am a nice person! I do interesting things! I am fit and have lost lots of weight! I own nice underwear that is going to waste!

I feel very blue.

Here we go again

2008-03-26T13:17:00.003Z

I have a date on Saturday night...yes, I know; it's quite unbelievable. Some poor soul has taken pity on me.

Let's hope this one is better than last time!

Feeling pretty chuffed actually

2008-03-17T09:58:00.002Z

2:03:23 baby!

And I am wearing my medal at my desk today.

Update: for those of you who remember the guy who asked me out last year and then met someone else: I beat him by a whole minute yesterday. Result!

The Big Day

2008-03-14T09:02:00.002Z

It's finally here...please think of me on Sunday at 11am. I will be running for, I hope, no more than 2 hours 10 minutes in the lashing rain. I will have so many painkillers in my system that I am quite glad there is no drugs test beforehand. It has been discovered that I actually managed to crack my rib when I fell over skiing last month. Training has been agonising, to say the least. But after a visit to the doctor's yesterday, I feel quite serene. In a hazy kind of way.

Bring it on!

I'm in the slow readers group

2008-03-04T14:51:00.002Z

I have been experimenting: if I put on a dating website that I am educated to Masters level and love literature, I get about a fifth of the response I get if I leave those facts out. I feel like Miranda in Sex and the City: should I just pretend to be an air hostess?

Men: I despair.

I'm just moaning really

2008-02-27T16:02:00.005Z

The office light above me is giving me a headache. I'm hungry. My foot hurts and I can't run on it (with 2 and a half weeks to go. Great!). All fat is converting into muscle which is frustrating when I get on the scales. Everyone at work is being very dull and one person is signed off with depression. I have no summer holiday booked as I have no one to go with. I have trawled dating websites and am throughly fed up with them. My running partner has all but given up (she met a man. On Facebook). My friends are away skiing (properly, not à la Hannah). My copy of Petite Anglaise still hasn't arrived. When I do get to run, fat people smoking keep getting in the way (ironic that I am running for cancer support).

But tomorrow I'm going to Manchester, somewhere I have never been before.

Fingers crossed for a little excitement. Though it's for work so excitement probably isn't really the right word (5h 30 hour train journey is a little more realistic) .

Pass me my gun...

2008-02-14T13:36:00.002Z

Yeah, like whatever. It's just a day like any other.

But if I have to see one more student on campus with a heart shaped balloon then I may have to kill someone.

Next, the Winter Olympics...

2008-02-11T12:43:00.000Z

I can ski! Finally, a sport that I am not crap at. In fact, according to Jean-Luc (my shorter than me and very French instructor, surname "Bastard"), I am a bit of a natural on the old slopes. Only 2 falls but one where I winded myself thanks to the ski pole I managed to lodge between my ribs. Ah well, it was all fun and I barely noticed all the 3 year olds zooming past me.

So that's another thing crossed off my list of things to do this year. In the meantime it's back to good old running: I did the Longleat (Safari Park) 10km yesterday...the one where they release lions and the aim is to run away from them as fast as possible. I survived and got a medal and everything. I was quite excited about this and wanted to wear it to work today (I didn't).

And now I am back at my desk surrounded by Swiss chocolate. And my legs hurt.

Back to normal then.

It had to happen

2008-02-03T10:03:00.000Z

It had to happen at some point...six months to the day since I last saw him, I bumped into the Sod on Friday.
There is always the fear that when you bump into an ex, it will be when you have run out of clean clothes, or have just been splattered with water by a lorry. However, someone was smiling down on me as I was on my way back from the hairdressers. I even had lip gloss on. He tried to hide from me (pathetic) but I sought him out by shouting "I can still see you". He looked very young and had a big spot (ha ha ha). We chatted about work, my flat, blah blah blah for a few minutes then he said it was nice to see me and ran away.
Even though it went better than I expected, there is still the feeling of "why wasn't he so blown away by how amazing I look that he has got in touch" but also the feeling of "what was I doing going out with that embryo?". Still, it's vey strange to stand in front of someone you have loved and shared so much while behaving as if you were talking to a relative you haven't seen in a while.

Anyway, I am now going to stop thinking about it and and off to pack for my "falling over in the snow" holiday which starts tomorrow. Fingers crossed for a hot ski instructor!

But I never win anything

2008-01-30T09:46:00.000Z

A rather large and expensive bottle of champagne has been delivered to me this morning. I apparently won it after completing an online survery following a conference I went to last April (basically airing my views on the fact that they gave us too much work to do, that 5 days was too long etc) . My boss is now concerned I may have a drinking problem (maybe I should take it off my desk).

If only every morning started with a (free) bottle of champagne.

Ouch

2008-01-25T14:04:00.000Z

Typically, I have pulled a muscle in my leg. No, not running. Or doing tap. But during a bloody exercise class. That will teach me to try and be energetic every night of the week. I have been trying to rest it while still creeping out either before sunrise or after dark and running for a gentle 6 miles or so. I have tried Ibuleve, Tiger Balm, frozen peas, hot water bottles, paracetemol and Extra Strength Ibuprofen. I am starting to look like a walking "Boots". I know I should rest it completely but after 4 days or so I get bored and feel the need to dress up like a day-glo stick and go for a run. And now the pressure is on as people have started to sponsor me...

If anyone has any good tips about how to get over this in double-quick time, please let me know!

Remembering Thouars

2008-01-21T14:44:00.000Z

Today is apparently the most depressing day of the year. Feels like most Mondays to me.

I am excited because a friend I haven't seen for 7 years is coming to stay with me tomorrow. We used to work together in France, in the smallest, most boring and depressing village in the whole of Europe, called Thouars. In fact, thinking back to that place makes me feel extremely joyful that although it is the 21st January, I ran out of money about 2 weeks ago, a big credit card bill will be coming through my door today and it has been raining so much that my next purchase will be an arc...at least I am not in Thouars! We will be reminiscing tomorrow about the Saturday evenings we spent in watching "Star Academy" (the French version of Fame Academy), going to the laundrette (that was about as exciting as it got) and remembering how in the first place we stayed in (the sort of hostel only seen in horror films) our next-door neighbour had a gun. Ah, fun times.

Despite being the least likely of the three of us to settle down (she even slept with the guy who looked after a handicapped girl in one of the classes I taught), she is now married and I am a little bit jealous. But only a little bit as recently I have discovered how much I enjoy being single and am a bit worried about the fact that I may never want a man in my life again. My training partner is also single and feels the same. Men just seem to be far too much hassle. Of course, I haven't told my mother that I feel this way- I have to give her some hope.

Odd Men Online

2008-01-14T14:51:00.000Z

"i like to know people Love the great outdoors? Then say, "I just got back from an incredible week camping, falling asleep to the sound of coyotes." Are you devoted to your kids? Then share that: "Most Saturdays, you'll find me coaching my son's baseball team."

I have several queries regarding this profile from the escaped convict who is currently posing as a single and free man on match.com:

1) I don't believe there are any coyotes in the South West.
2) He states later on that he has no kids.
3) Does he actually not speak English and has just copied and pasted some sentences in that he found on google, probably under "How to be a great all American dad".
4) Why has my mother not written to him yet (see below post)?

Mothers

2008-01-10T09:38:00.001Z

Just when I thought I had a reasonably sane mother, I found out she has been posing as me on an Internet dating website and talking to a man she thought I might like, pretending to be me.

I wish was making this up.

I went into a slight state of shock on reading her emails to him (mainly thinking "I would never say that") and then moved into a state of anger/annoyance/upset at the fact that my own mother sees me as being so desperate for a man that she takes it upon herself to pretend to be me to seduce them.

I know she is just trying to help but it really isn't helping.

She has promised not to do it again (ha, yeah right!) and in the end she found out he was quite short and probably not my cup of tea so she has ended her relationship with him.

I wonder of my dad knows?

Run

2008-01-07T09:35:00.000Z

On the Friday before Christmas my fundraising pack for the half marathon arrived through my door. Oh yeah...

Since then I have been mildly panicked by the fact that this event is now this year and not next year like it used to be.

They have sent me a nice green t-shirt which is about 5 sizes too big for me...but at least it's a pretty colour. That's how I picked which charity to run for: which one had the nicest t-shirt.

So now the training begins. Luckily, I have been running between 2 and 5 miles a few times a week since last April. Thanks goodness. Yesterday I managed 8.5 miles, though certain parts of my body are still hating me for it today. What kept me going was the cute man running the opposite way round the park to me. If he was my training partner I would be out there every day. Unfortunately I don't really look at my best by about mile 2.

I also begin tap dancing next week and it is less than a month until I head off to learn how to ski...I think this might be the first year I have actually kept any resolutions! However, I have decided that giving up Heat is just not going to happen. Never mind.

New Year

2008-01-02T10:33:00.000Z

Getting up in the dark, getting on an empty bus, new members of staff, everyone ill, boss trying to be cheery, no desire to do anything except watch films with a box of Quality Street...it can only be the first day back at work!

And I have also had to listen to tales of people getting engaged/up the duff/finding new men over Christmas. None of these things have happened to me.

The Ball I went to for New Year was full of couples. I felt a bit tearful just after midnight, as I was there with only one person I knew and a whole load of her family (there was a token single guy- a head shorter than me with a huge beer belly. Non merci) and just felt quite alone.

I keep a written diary at home and was reading last year's 1st January entry....I was going to write a new one for this year but instead just put "refer to last year". There are only so many times you can write "find a nice man".

And I will be 30 next year. Oh bloody hell.

January looms...

2007-12-31T11:10:00.000Z

I think I may well be the only person to have actually lost weight over Christmas. It was easy: get an ear infection and spend Boxing Day with a hot water bottle attached to the side of your head, take antibiotics that make you feel sick and then develop a full head cold too which means all you want to eat is soup. See: easy! I did still manage a few mince pies though. Well, only about 4 a day.

Christmas was lovely...very quiet in rural Brittany. We also had my brother's German girlfriend to entertain (making me feel like the family spinster). The 6 of us can be a little intimidating at times so I think she coped well (and didn't seem to fussed that one of my brother's presents was a book entitled "I escaped from Auschwitz"). Good presents (though the pot pourri from my mum was a bit of a mystery) were had by all and lots of crappy tv was watched (thank goodness we had English TV over there. Though I wasn't allowed to watch Eastenders!).

And now I'm back. And my head is all stuffed up. Yet I will still don the cleavage enhancing dress my mother insisted on buying me, try and get my hair to stay up with a million clips and make my way to the Champagne Ball tonight...and there better bloody be some nice men there.

How to fill that last pointless week at work

2007-12-19T12:43:00.000Z

How to fill your last few days in the office before Christmas (none of which involve actually working):

Discover www.pandora.com and make your whole office listen to carols/annoying Xmas music
Read a book at your desk
Answer all those people who have emailed you on facebook, asking annoying questions like "what are you doing for Christmas"
Sort out your social diary for next year
Catch up on celebrity gossip on www.perezhilton.com (Jamie Lynn Spears preggers at 16. That is one classy family)
Make snowflakes for your office window
Saunter down to the shop and try on Santa hats
Bring all those annoying bills that have been sitting on the coffee table at home into the office and sort them out
Write on your blog and read everyone else's
Use the office phone to ring friends and wish them a Merry Christmas. Especially those in Australia
Write thank you cards in advance for presents you will receive from grandparents (if, like me, you always get the same thing)
Plan your New Year's Eve outfit
Book a holiday for Jan/Feb: you know it makes sense
Have a little sleep at your desk with your feet on the radiator
Shop online. For yourself. Enough with buying for other people already.

In short, I have had a very productive couple of days.

2007: Could Do Better

2007-12-12T11:10:00.000Z

I have been thinking quite a lot (I know I shouldn't as it can't be good for me) about 2007 recently and also all the new things I want to do in 2008.

1) Find a man: the obvious one, goes without saying. Would be nice to find one that appreciates me and treats me correctly (i.e. no breaking up with me , using me for a further year and then turing round and saying you don't want to be in a relationship and thus stomping all over my heart yet again. Not bitter at all then).

2) Do more things for other people: have recently become involved in a new charity- this might get me that Sainthood yet.

3) Keep up the running: I still can't quite believe I am 25lbs lighter than I was this time last year. And that I can get into a size 10. And that I am doing a Half Marathon in March (although my legs are in agony just thinking about it).

4) Do something about my job: either start enjoying it more or jack it in. Be kinder to the elderly people I work with (they are not really elderly, it just feels that way).

5) Do some more travelling to places I have not been to so far: like Iceland or somewhere. And learn to ski in February.

6) Take up something like tap dancing: mainly because I was forced to do ballet as a child and I always wanted to do tap instead. Or maybe I have just become slightly caught up in the "Strictly Come Dancing" phase. It's the sequins!

7) Go to more concerts/ the theatre. Read "proper" newspapers.

8) Try new foods. I might even try eating fish (bleurrgghhh) at some point.

9) Meet my best friend's French partner. I have been putting it off for 3 years (for many reasons I won't go into, including his ex trying to run my friend over and him DOING NOTHING ABOUT IT).

10) Stop buying Heat magazine.

There, I think that will do for now. In the meantime I have our office Christmas Party to look forward to on Friday.

I say party, but I think that might be a gross misinterpretation.

Tooth Fairy

2007-12-05T16:10:00.000Z

This is a picture of Edinburgh. I cannot show any pictures of me ever again (well, not ones where I am smiling anyway) as, according to my dentist friend, I have knocked one of my teeth (how? In my sleep?) and now my front teeth are no longer the same colour. After 2 years of wearing braces in my twenties, I am pretty devastated and may never smile again (until I can afford to have them whitened).

It was a fantastic weekend though. I would move there if it weren't so cold and I suited tartan.

In other drama, Christmas is approaching. It is now only 17 days until I go back home and with only 2 presents bought I need to get a move on. Every year I ask myself the same question: why oh why are men so hard to shop for? I asked my dad what he wanted and he actually said "socks". Pathetic.

I am also trying to decide if I should get a Christmas tree or just decorate the big plant in my living room with the lights I got in Poundland and the rubbish but expensive ornaments I got in Edinburgh's Christmas market. Tsk, so many decisons to make.

A friend is also trying to get me to go Speed Dating in a few weeks time. I have been advised by fellow bloggers against it but I need to feel I am doing something to meet someone. Maybe it's the kind of thing you just need to do once and never again. Or maybe I can find something better to do a week before Christmas (and to spend £20 on. Like luxury socks for my dad).

And what is everyone doing for New Year?? The friends I was counting on to entertain me are going to a wedding (yes, I thought that was a bit odd too. Maybe they made it up to get out of spending New Year with me) and so I feel a bit stuck. Unless I fly to see friends of family in Geneva/Belfast/Edinburgh. Seems a bit pointless for one bloody night.

This time of year is just a tad too stressful for my liking.

Dancing Queen

2007-11-26T11:35:00.000Z

I am now 28 and 9 days. So far, so good.

Hopefully 28 will be a better year for me than 27. I like the fact that it is an even number.

Belfast was fantastic. Lots of people had told me not to try and re-create old times there and it was different (mainly to do with the fact that we all have proper jobs now. And also the rest of them have wedding rings on) but also the same. I felt like I was a student again and had to spend time remembering what has happened since the last time I was there for my 21st birthday...which is A LOT.

My friend S made me laugh when I asked if my dancing was even better (I am quite modest you see) than during those days of bopping through our finals. Her: "I don't remember, you always had a man stuck to your face". Ah, indeed! Those were the days! It was so easy then...and would have been last Saturday if you like your men with incomprehensible accents and around the age of 45.

Only surprise of the day was getting a birthday text from the Sod, which I awoke to. Last year was the year of the "all the best" card from him...so I guess this is better. At least I think it was from him: having deleted his number and only being vaguely aware of some of the digits in it, I can only really guess. I said thank you to whoever the kind person was anyway, and left it at that.

Am off to Edinburgh this weekend (I know, I do get about quite a bit. And to such hot spots too)....let's hope it's full of sexy men.

28

2007-11-16T08:39:00.001Z

I came in today to balloons, streamers and party poppers all over my desk. Suddenly, I love my work colleagues!

Only 12 hours till I fly to Belfast where I intend to have a weekend of fabulousness (yes, that is a word) and celebrate the fact that 28 is not 30.

Monday comes round again

2007-11-12T09:27:00.000Z

Why do I often feel like a blubbering wreck on Mondays?

Is it because I walk into this soulless office, where no one speaks and if they do it’s about work, and feel like walking straight out again and getting a job sweeping pavements or handing out catalogues in Argos?

Is it because I have to spend at least the 9am-10am slot hearing about what everyone has been up to with their other halves over the last 2 days?

Is it because I haven’t spoken to anyone since Friday except the old dears at the Abbey during the Remembrance Service yesterday?

Is it because my “Sex & the City” boxset has become a replacement for the fact that I have no single friends and the others are busy going to car boot sales and Ikea every weekend?

I suspect it is mainly because I turn 28 on Saturday and I feel really crap about not having a boyfriend. So instead I am going to fly to Belfast on Friday night for the whole weekend and dance and get drunk with my old (and mostly married) Uni friends and basically try (and probably fail) to recreate my 21st birthday which was the last time I celebrated over there. Sad, me? Nah.

My day

2007-11-06T18:34:00.000Z

A typical day in the life of Hannah Banana:

Get up at 5:30am.
Travel 4 hours on trains and tubes to a meeting with a 59 year old man.
Try to keep conversation going while said 59 year old man stares at my chest and manages to get the following words into the conversation: "breasts" & "vaginal dryness " (I wish I was making this up) and flaunts pictures of himself with Michael Caine & Nelson Mandela.
Listen to him telling me that he is too poor to contribute to the project I am fundraising for- then proceeds to talk about his 4 cars and holiday home in South Africa. Also shares his concerns about not wanting to leave his millions to his children as he doesn't want to spoil them.
He then wants to know about my "hobbies". I make some noble ones up that are nothing to do with shopping.
Travel 4 hours back on trains and tubes. Have not spoken to anyone except the tit addict all day.

Get home and wonder where things went so wrong.

Fireworks

2007-11-03T23:30:00.000Z

2 things happened today.

I ran 4 miles (with a lot of hills) in something like 37 minutes (waiting for the "official" results).I beat my friend who belongs to a running club. I am pretty chuffed (and in pain) by this.

I saw the Sod for the first time in 4 months. To be more precise, it was the back of his head and then him from afar.

It was very unsettling and meant instead of watching the fireworks I was looking out for him. It's odd to see someone who is so familiar yet you can't go near them.

I don't think he saw me. I did put on some lip gloss though, just in case.

Questions I am asking myself today

2007-10-31T09:59:00.000Z

Why does being at work feel like being in an old people's home?

What is that smell in the corridor outside my new office?

Why has no one in the other offices been in to say hello?

Why couldn't I have stayed in the office with my friends?

Why is dating so crap?

Where are all the good men?

Why can't I lose any more weight no matter how hard I try?

Why does my knee hurt?

Why have I started chewing gum like a maniac?

Why do I have to be a year older in 17 days?

Why do my neighbours play loud music between the hours of 2 and 3am?

Why am I going to a party on Friday night and doing a 4 mile run the next morning?

Why can't I find a job I love?

Why have I volunteered to visit the elderly?

Why don't I care that it's Halloween today?

Why has my fake tan gone a bit wrong on one hand only?

Why do I tell people I am a vegetarian when I'm not really?

Why does my poppy keep falling off?

Why did I attempt to cut my own hair last night?

What I learnt at work today

2007-10-29T15:41:00.000Z

This news release aappeared on our work website this morning:

"Over a third of former American Football players interviewed had sexual relations with men, says study"

It's just so informative!

Date with Dr B

2007-10-24T10:12:00.000+01:00

Him

Got lost and arrived half an hour late
Ralph Lauren shirt etc...bit poncey
Reads the Economist and FT
Felt he needed to point out that he doesn't want kids for a long, long time...even though I hadn't mentioned children
Paid for dinner
Told me some really gross medical stories
Doesn't seem to have the time for a girlfriend

Me

Arrived on time
Dressed normally
Reads Heat and OK! (to my shame)
Doesn't want kids yet but maybe in 5 years or so
Paid for drinks
Was over-talkative
Has time on her hands and needs a boyfriend to help fill it

It was a nice evening and we did have a laugh but I didn't feel any real spark there. Shame.

And it just made me miss the Sod.

Date

2007-10-18T06:57:00.000+01:00

Oh.my.goodness. I have a date next week. With an intelligent, good-looking, polite, interesting, well-travelled doctor.
Not sure I can make it between now and then without throwing up with nerves.

Autumn

2007-10-08T17:18:00.000+01:00

I LOVE Autumn. Especially:

Bonfires and fireworks

My birthday

Conkers

Trees changing colour

Back to eating stodgy food

Kicking through the leaves in the park

A new winter wardrobe

Cosy nights by the fire (if I had a fire)

But for now I am enjoying the best of Autumn: a cold!

Seduction Plan- Part Deux

2007-10-05T11:31:00.000+01:00

Now what do I say? I have had a reply which is some small success, especially as my brother says he never hears from him. I received the following yesterday:

"Hi Hannah how's things..? What you up to.. I'm not in London anymore but back at Guildford studying law.., I've just started so will be here for another 20 months or so. Hope all good.. spk soon "

I have been analysing it with a guy at work (not obsessively, just a bit). Does he really want to know what I'm up to or is he just being polite? Why tell me he's there for 20 months? Why did he sign off with "speak soon" when we haven't spoken in 4 years?

And now the worst bit: how to reply. Here are a few options:

1) I would like to have sex with you for the next 20 months.
2) Please go out with me.
3) I'm single. I know you are too so....

And so on. Any ideas?????

Question

2007-09-26T09:12:00.000+01:00

How can I seduce my brother's friend who is 2 years younger than me but who I got off with one very drunken night about 4 years ago and who has the sexiest body ever and how can I do this via Facebook as we are now friends on it and he is single?

Lazy Sundays

2007-09-16T17:44:00.000+01:00

I am lying on the sofa reading Adrian Mole (though not while I am writing this of course. I may be a woman but even I can't multi-task that well) and watching lots of women run 5K. I don't feel too guilty as I lie here as I ran 5K this morning. And it nearly killed me. Mainly because I went with a friend who did a duathlon last weekend and who made me keep up a fast pace throughout and sprint at the end. I was too red and out of breath to say goodbye and it took a full hour for my face to resume its' usual colour. But I thought 32 minutes wasn't bad. We are doing a "multi-terrain" run next month and who knows what that could entail. A lot of mud I expect. I want to know why these runners on tv are wearing long white knee socks? Perhaps I should invest in a pair.

Just been checking out some of the dating websites. I have pretty much given up on them and think that the best way to meet a man is through a friend (or on a plane, as has happened twice before. Perhaps I need to book yet another holiday). I have a doctor friend who is on the lookout for me and had one candidate lined up but I was told yesterday that the doctor in question has "really bad teeth". Having endured the pain of braces in my early twenties, I can't stand bad teeth. So he may be a no. But perhaps he would be preferable to the men in their 50s'/"I'm a writer, aren't I amazing?"/divorced with kids/profiteroles-up-nose man/"I spend a lot of my time feeling like sexual chocolate" man. Urgh.

The woman who has won the race did it in about 15 minutes. I still have some work to do.

One Year On

2007-09-12T09:19:00.000+01:00

This is the view from my kitchen window in my new flat. What it doesn’t show is the woman screaming “F*ck you, you f*cking coke c**t” outside the window. I don’t think she was talking to me.

I am loving my flat. Actually, I think I may well be in love with my flat. Though I haven’t actually spent much time there yet as my social life seems to have exploded since I moved. Which is fabulous. It also makes me feel so much better when I look back on this blog to September 12th last year (my first entry) and see how much better my life is now. It has been a long year but I am definitely in a much better place right now.

And I received an email (full or spelling mistakes and grammatical errors) from a man through a dating site: his profile picture showed him with profiteroles shoved up his nose.

What more could a girl want?

Happy Anniversary

2007-08-27T17:52:00.000+01:00

Today is my parent's 30th wedding anniversary. We are just off to a restaurant called "Le Cheval Blanc" to celebrate.

Sadly, we have just learnt that my uncle has been cheating on his wife of 33 years for goodness knows how long and has now left her to live with his mistress. There seems to be a lot of scandal on that side of the family at the moment. It's a bit like "Dynasty" at the moment. Or at the very least a crap episode of Eastenders.

And I have been single for a year today. This time last year I was blubbing my heart out in Bristol train station. It hurts to remember that day but at the same time loads of things have changed since last year: I have a better job, my own flat and I am a stone and a half lighter and about to start running half marathons. So it's not all bad.

I didn't make it to Barcelona, choosing to use my flight for a girls holiday in November instead. I felt like I needed a bit of TLC so have come home. Sadly, my mum has been working the whole time so I have been left to my own devices. So not fair. I'm only 27- I need someone to make me nourishing soup!

For now, steak frites at "Le Cheval Blanc" will have to do.

Men are shit

2007-08-20T11:55:00.000+01:00

I met a really nice guy on match.com last week. Lovely. We emailed loads all week and arranged to go on a date when I got back from Barcelona. I was pretty excited, I can tell you.

Today I got an email from him saying he met someone else at the weekend and wants to pursue that instead.

Crap.

Life isn't fair.

But he had the same first name as the Sod so it probably wasn't the best idea anyway.

Hope

2007-08-13T10:05:00.001+01:00

While lying in the sun yesterday, I tried calling my friend who got married last month. No answer. Later on, about 10pm, I received a text from her, stating that she had been having a family barbecue beacuse "entertaining on Sundays is common place now".

Oh I'm sorry! Me being single and all, I just wouldn't understand that. Us singletons never have barbecues on Sundays, we just sit alone, thinking about what kind of cat to get. All I can say is I hope she was joking.

One thing that is really annoying me is that when I tell people it is finally over for good with the Sod, they start going how about how the clock is ticking and that it's a good thing I now have the chance to find someone older to have a family with because I am almost, apparently, over the hill. I'm not even 28!!!

I might start saying I'm a lesbian just to shut them all up.

On the plus side, I have finally been contacted by a nice-looking, rugby playing, intelligent and witty young man on match.com. This might just be the ray of hope I need right now.

It's either that or the guy who lists his reading habits as "What Car" magazine.

Lighter

2007-08-10T09:36:00.000+01:00

In the past week I have eaten the following: chips, ice cream, pasta, crisps, sweets, bread, Thai takeaway, burgers and I drank rather a few too many vodka and tonics. Not really what Weight watchers tells you to eat.

Yet I have lost three pounds.

This brings the total to 19.5lbs. They kindly gave me a keyring to mark this achievement.

I guess I have the Sod to thank for it, unexpected as it is. I have been so fucking miserable over the last week that the stress of it all has made the weight drop off. We had a talk on Wednesday which involved crying but also hurtful comments from him such as "I only call you when I'm lonely" and "When we see each other I feel like I did last year when I wanted to break up with you". Cue not quite so much crying from me as anger took over.

I feel relieved/sad/exhilarated/confused...but mainly just exhausted. Like I'm not really here today.

In some ways I am just trying to hold onto the stress though- it is proving to be the best diet ever.

Boxed up

2007-08-07T12:22:00.000+01:00

Last night I decided to start packing. About an hour later I realised that my whole life fits into about 5 boxes. I guess I have been so used to moving with little more than 2 suitcases that I still find it hard to hold onto stuff. Oh well, at least I won't have to hire a van or anything!

I had a horrible feeling before I started packing. The bag full of all reminders of the Sod lay upstairs, untouched in nearly a year. I had to go and get it and sit and go through it. It was pretty traumatic and even though I managed not to cry, my heart was beating at an abnormal rate throughout. Here are some of the things that it contained:

The painting he did for my 24th birthday. I don't think I will ever be able to get rid of it as no one has ever done anything as nice as that for me before.
The Valentine's cards, anniversary cards and the birthday cards. The one which reads "I wake up every morning with a smile on my face because of you. I never want me be without you" particulary tore at my heart strings.
Sloane Dolly: a jokey type of Barbie Doll which apparently I look like (in my dreams).
Tickets from the London Eye, National Trust houses etc
A photo of him which I used to keep in my purse on the back of which he had written "I love you".
Our holiday pictures from Greece, France and my graduation.
A heart shaped chocolate- we had one each. Bet it tastes a bit yuk by now.
A recipe from a dessert we tried to make last summer and it all went a bit wrong.
Books he knew I would like- he put messages in all of them.

And other random bits. I put it all in one box and put lots of brown tape around it. There, done.
Still, I wonder if he keeps anything from us. I know he still has the Breton tin I brought back for him one year. I also wonder how we got from then to now.

And how you can contain an entire relationship in one small box.

Reminiscing

2007-08-01T15:42:00.000+01:00

17 years today since la famille moved to France. Ah, a fun day playing on one of the older, and thus very slow, Brittany Ferries boats was had by all. Little did we know that 6 months of sleeping on the kitchen floor and not knowing what the hell people were talking about lay ahead of us....
I wonder where I would be today if we hadn't moved?

Happy again

2007-07-31T11:20:00.000+01:00

Update: feeling better today. Actually I felt a lot better by about 11am yesterday. I have booked myself a trip to Barcelona (only feeling slightly guilty about how much I have spent on holidays this year- New York, Geneva, France, Belfast...oops) over the August Bank Holiday. Yay!
Also had a read through my blog and realised that things are a lot different to last year but that might not be such a bad thing...I mean last year on August Bank Holiday I was being dumped by the Sod at Exeter train station and this year I will be sunning myself in Barcelona!

Suddenly being by myself doesn't seem so bad.

Insania

2007-07-30T09:43:00.000+01:00

I should be feeling lovely and happy and excited in a "summer is here at last, I can finally wear my summer clothes" kind of way today. I just don't though.
I feel like shit. Everything feels wrong and I don't know what to do about it. All I can do is sit here and gulp back tears which is pretty pathetic at my age.
It was a hard weekend. This whole month feels pretty hard really. All I can think about is how last year the Sod and I spent nearly every weekend at the beach or just being together during July and August. We had just got back from Greece and were all loved up. I guess we ended up spending a bit too much time together and by Bank Holiday Monday he had had enough. I just can't believe it's been almost a year.
Even though I haven't seen him for quite a while, I got a drunken call from him while I was at the wedding. Between him shouting in my ear, asking if Northern Ireland (I was in Belfast) was abroad and if so would the call cost him lots of money, and then realising that his phone was the wrong way round, he managed to tell me he loved me about 8 times. I was so shocked I didn't really say anything, except "you'll regret telling me that tomorrow". I mean, what the hell? He broke up with me ELEVEN months ago and now is the time to tell me that he loves me (though of course he was drunk and probably loved everyone). I sent him a text the next morning to tell him I was pissed off at him and the way he treats me, after he had tried to call me several times. Needless to say, there has been very little contact since.
I hate to admit it (really hate to) but I still miss him. A lot. I miss talking to him, I miss laughing with him and I miss just generally having fun with him. But a year is a long time to wait for someone who can only muster a drunken phone call once in a while and I know I deserve better than that.
Most days I feel fine and don't give him that much thought. Today I am just having one of those days where it is all a bit too much to deal with. And of course I am very annoyed at myself for....well, pretty much everything. I know it's my fault I am in this position.

I just don't get how I can still be shedding tears over someone who dumped me almost a year ago. I must be mad.

Back

2007-07-24T16:53:00.000+01:00

Back. Back at work. It's not raining though. Something of a small miracle.

It was a pretty whirlwind few weeks. Home involved a few days of sun and a freezing pool (just keep swimming, keep swimming), watching the horse decide to just sit down with my brother's girlfriend on it and the general eating of baguette, cheese and more cheese. There were 10 of us for every meal, plus anyone else we could find who fancied a glass of wine (neighbours, old school friends, any passing Breton peasant, the cat). It was great. Apart from sharing a room with youngest sister. Apparently I have whole conversations in my sleep.
Then off to Belfast for a wedding. 3 nights of drinking, buying tissues after the bride had a bit of a crying fest during the rehearsal, meeting the male partner of a guy I used to get off with at Uni and discovering that me and one other girl were the only single people at the wedding. There wasn't much of a crowd when the bride threw the bouquet.
Also met up with 5 girls I lived in halls with, including my two closest friends Susie and Andy. Both have massive rocks on their left hands and are having houses built in time for the weddings. Jealous, moi? Yes of course I bloody am. My only consolation is that they are older than me...by 6 weeks and 3 weeks respectively. Finally arrived back at midnight on Sunday and not really ready to face work and the floods.

So am back at work. Still single. Still moving at the end of the August. Still hating the rain. Still addicted to facebook. Still missing home. Still confused about the Sod.

Am off to read Harry Potter.

Soggy holiday

2007-07-06T13:22:00.000+01:00

It's raining in France too. Fucking hell. And a sister has broken the digibox so no English tv. My mum isn't exactly selling this holiday to me. Rain, French tv, a full house of 9 bored people with another 16 holiday guests thrown in. I can't wait!

The list of things I have been asked to bring back is growing. So far it includes things such as:
Dax hair wax (red tin, not the blue one)
Palmers Cocoa Butter
Brushes for doing the dishes
Cheddar Cheese
Fruit Pastilles

I have pointed out that I have a very small suitcase but to no avail.

Goodbye flat

2007-06-22T15:51:00.000+01:00

View from my room

I have just been told we have to move out of our flat by the end of August. What a shock. I have loved living there. I will miss it loads. I feel even more like a nomad now. I can't handle any more upheaval!

I don't want to go!

Bits and Pieces

2007-06-20T10:02:00.000+01:00

General stuff:

A porter has dropped down dead at work this morning and a lecturer has been in a life-threatening car crash. Let's hope the rest of us make it through today.

Marks & Spencer have now delivered 2 olive trees to us by mistake. They are worth £64 in total. With any luck we may receive a few more and it will start to feel like Greece in our flat. As my flatmate said, let's hope they start sending us food packages soon.

My youngest sister turns 15 today.

I called M&S customer services 5 times yesterday, as well as 7 stores, but I am finally in possesion of that white bikini that Myleene Class wears in their ads. I'm doing well out of Marks this week!

I have taken up swimming again. I say again but the last time was when I was about 9. The sauna is a good place to meet guys (well, quite young ones so far but there is hope).

I have to go to London tomorrow. I hate the tube when it's hot. Or indeed at any other time. Us country girls can't cope.

Only a few weeks till I go home!! I wish I had a nice man to take back with me though.

I have spent all my money on a wedding gift, a dress for said wedding, a card, shoes, flights and accommodation. I did try and get a good gift though as I thought that way I will get good gifts when/if I get married. Forward thinking you see.

I am glad "Britain's Got Talent" is over so that I can stop crying over it every night.

I have watched no Big Brother this year! I am very proud of this.

7 hours till home time.

5 Day Forecast

2007-06-18T12:16:00.000+01:00

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Where do I go?

2007-06-18T09:06:00.000+01:00

Ho hum. Another Monday morning. More rain. A staff meeting to look forward to.

The days seem to drag at the moment. Thanks to Facebook I have been in touch with lots of friends from the past, from my uni days, from New Zealand, from my days as an assistant in the smallest French town in the world where good Friday night entertainment consisted of watching "Star Academy". Those were the days. I miss a lot of these people. This is the trouble with moving around so much. None of my close friends live here. Even though I have made some friends here, it is not the same. It feels very lonely at the moment. I am questionning how much longer I can last. I know I am lucky to have a job I like and can actually do, a nice place to live with a person I get on with but it just doesn't seem enough. Father's Day yesterday was hard as it just made me miss home more. But if I moved back home what would I do? Yes, I'd have my parents and sisters nearby but I'd probably end up working in a Boulangerie or something. The ideal solution would be for my parents to move here but then where would I go on holiday??! And my dad has vowed never to live in the UK again, so that's that out. I could move back to Northern Ireland, where I went to Uni, but all my friends there are busy getting married and popping out kids and would not really have time for me. I could move to Geneva and be near my brother, but again he has his own busy life there.

Arrrghhh! I don't know what to do! There must be somewhere for me. Suggestions please?

Massage

2007-06-11T11:59:00.000+01:00

I have just spent an hour giving everyone in my office massages (that is back massages, for all of you who are as equally dirty minded as myself). My arms and hands hurt. I need to be paid for this.

The French bitches strike again

2007-06-01T11:17:00.000+01:00

Today is my sister's 18th Birthday. I still remember the 1st June 1989 when my mum was in labour yet insisted on finishing her meat pie before she went to the hospital. Olivia was born within half an hour of her arriving there. It must have been damn good meat pie.

What should have been a great day has been spoilt by those damn bullies again. She received a text this morning from them saying: "Dearest Olivia, Happy birthday. Can't wait to see you tonight".
Yep, they are planning on crashing her evening out with her friends. So a new plan has had to be created: they are now going to a different restaurant in a dfferent town and hopefully there will be no trouble.
My parents composed the following text which Olivia sent back (one of these bitches works in a tea room):
"Dear friends, it's been a while! My parents are really looking forward to meeting you tonight. If they don't get the chance, perhaps they'll see you at the tea-room."

When I go over in July with my brother and any other muscly looking man I can find to accompany us, I am going to go to that tea room and scare the fucking life out of her. And all the old French ladies who will be in there too.

The agony of choice

2007-05-30T13:25:00.000+01:00

A few more gems from the most depressing dating website in the world:

1. "how are you ?"
Wow, what an opener! And that was the whole message.

2. "Hi my names Andy. I love travelling and seeing different places. Also into sports also am a big music fan and like goin gigs and stuff"
Lack of punctuation, use of "goin" and don't even get me started on "and stuff".

3. "Im Derek. I was reading your profile and Im interested in getting to know you more. By all means read my profile and if your interested in getting to know me more then that would be great"
Do you think he wants to get to know me more or something? There is no picture supplied. What a surprise.

4. "My friend said he seen u in Kodos Wells on saturday night & he quite liked like after chatting to u outside the club,Is that the case?????I can set u up if u like??Just wish he did not phone me at 3am in the morning, lol"
This one is beyond insane and a complete mystery to me.

5. "how you doing georgeous xx"
LEARN TO SPELL

So, they all seem like lovely, charming, witty and well-educated young men. Aren't I a lucky girl?

Thoughts of the day

2007-05-23T11:31:00.000+01:00

Thoughts in head today:

Am sick. Have sinusitis again and feel so groggy. Head is fuzzy and have important meeting tomorrow and am afraid if I continue to take my Sinus Relief stuff I may collapse in this meeting.
It's sunny which normally I would be very thankful for but the heat is just making my nose run more.
THAT Big Brother advert- oh no, it's coming back. I will probably do what I usually do and watch the first one and that will be it.
Shipwrecked is nearly finished- no more Will! Noooo!
Have got my hands on some of that Boots "miracle gets rid of wrinkles cream". Prevention is the best policy and I actually already have a few lines. I will keep you informed as to whether it works. I just want to look 25 again!
I have to cook for three people this week and I don't know how to cook (maybe this is why I'm not married). Actually that's a lie, I can burn pizza very well.
It's a Bank Holiday weekend. I wish I was going to Geneva again.

My head is so fuzzy I have no other thoughts at the moment. Sorry.

Precious Sister

2007-05-21T09:04:00.001+01:00

Hum. The picture below is not me but thank you for the emails saying how nice I look. Does wonders for my confidence that my 14 year old sister attracts a lot more attention that me. Now I feel even older! I suppose I should get used to it though.
She arrived on Friday lunchtime with her whole class gawping at me. One of my old teachers, Madame Sanceau, was with her and came over to say hello. "So, 15 years after teaching me, you are still at the same school teaching the same thing? Ahh, that's..er, nice". While the others had to be dragged around monuments that sis had already seen, I was allowed to take her away for two very precious hours (only once the teachers had my mobile number though). She tried on things which I then bought her (well, it is her birthday next month and it will save me sending stuff over to France) and we had a nice lunch together. She told me about the bullying at school and how she had stopped eating, believing herself to be too stupid to be allowed food. Thankfully, my mum has talked some sense into her but it was heartbreaking to hear. I still remember the day she was born, I remember when she had Septicaemia at 3 weeks old and had to have a tube inserted into her head. I remember staying the night with her in hospital the following year (she was in every year for the first three years of her life for something or other. The doctors used to joke that they kept a bed free for her) and her falling out of her bed onto my head with a big full nappy. I remember when we tried to teach her how to ride a bike and she threw a strop because she couldn't do it on the first go. I remember her first day at school and how she was the only kid with no hair at 2 years old (like me!). I remember holding her up to the Christmas tree and she grabbed it and pulled the whole thing over. I remember her giving me advice on my love life when she was only 12. Such a precious girl and I can't protect her against these hateful people. All I could say was that most people have to go through it at some point and that unfortunately it doesn't always stop after shcool. In a few years time, she will be off living her amazing life and those sad girls won't count anymore.

It was very hard to say goodbye.